Hey friend,
Let me be real with you: I am writing this while toddler bedtime battles and daytime nap negotiations are very fresh in my mind. As a postpartum moms, I’ve rocked through the never-ending bedtimes, scrolled through Google at 3 a.m. searching “why won’t my baby sleep?”, and sat in the car longer than I’d like to admit because finally the baby fell asleep and I wasn’t about to risk the transfer.
And while we’ve gone through several rounds of sleep struggles with each of my kids, lately it’s been all about toddler bedtime (a manageable one, please!) and trying to nail down naps. Why is it that my toddler naps like a dream at daycare—on a mat, in a noisy room, surrounded by a dozen other kids—but refuses to sleep at home? Everyone says, “Oh, it’s the peer pressure.” Okay, great… but peer pressure doesn’t help me get this child to sleep in his room during a reasonable nap window. And no, we simply cannot keep driving around forever to make naps happen. Hahaha (but also… send help).
So yes, I’m a perinatal mental health therapist, but I’m also a parent who’s been there. I’ve read the books, done the research, and lived the bleary-eyed nights so you don’t have to. My favorites (and most actually useful) resources are:
- How Babies Sleep: The Gentle, Science-Based Method to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Sofia Axelrod
- Precious Little Sleep – Second Edition: The Complete Baby Sleep Guide for Modern Parents by Alexis Dubief
Quick Take: The 4 Most Helpful Baby & Toddler Sleep Tips
If you’re too tired to read the whole post (I see you, exhausted parent), here are the big takeaways:
- Schedule wake windows right → Sleep pressure is what makes naps and bedtime work.
- Consistency is priority → As Alexis Dubief says, bow down to the “god of consistency.”
- Use red light at night → It supports circadian rhythms and helps kids fall back asleep.
- Mind sleep associations & cycles → What your child uses to fall asleep matters when they wake between 45–90 minute sleep cycles.
Now, if you’ve got another sip of coffee in you, let’s break these down.
1. Schedule Wake Windows (Sleep Pressure Is Your Friend)
You can have the most beautifully consistent routine in the world, but if your child isn’t tired enough, sleep won’t stick. That’s where wake windows (aka how long your baby or toddler is awake between naps/bedtime) matter.
Too short = they aren’t tired.
Too long = they’re overtired and wired.
Getting the timing right builds sleep pressure—the biological drive to sleep. For us, shifting naps just 15–30 minutes made the difference between a full nap and a car ride to reset a meltdown.
2. Consistency (Praise Be to the “God of Consistency”)
Alexis Dubief calls consistency the “god of consistency,” and honestly, she’s not wrong. While every baby is different, predictability is the anchor. Same bedtime routine, same order, same signals.
For our toddler, this looks like: bath → pajamas → books → songs → lights out. Nothing fancy, just predictable. Because in a child’s brain, predictability = safety.
So yes, consistency is the “boring magic.” It doesn’t guarantee perfect sleep, but it makes everything else easier.
3. Use Red Light to Support Circadian Rhythms
Here’s one of those things I wish I knew earlier: light exposure plays a huge role in sleep.
- Bright light (especially blue light from screens) tells the brain: it’s morning, stay awake.
- Red light cues the brain: it’s nighttime, get sleepy.
We swapped out our toddler’s nightlight for a red one, and it’s made bedtime calmer and night wakings shorter. It helps regulate their circadian rhythm—aka their natural sleep-wake cycle.
4. Pay Attention to Sleep Associations (and Sleep Cycles)
Babies and toddlers associate certain things with falling asleep—rocking, feeding, a parent’s presence, white noise. These aren’t bad, but if the thing they rely on to fall asleep isn’t there when they wake during the night, guess what? They’ll call for it.
Add to that the fact that kids’ sleep cycles are only 45–90 minutes depending on age, and you can see why they often wake up. For us, this meant planning bedtime transfers carefully. If we tried to move our toddler mid-cycle, he’d wake instantly. If we waited until he was in a deeper cycle, success.
We also had to troubleshoot the loud car with the revving engine that always seemed to drive by exactly when our baby was cycling into lighter sleep. (White noise for the win.)
A Glimpse into Real-Life Parent Chaos
One couple I worked with came to therapy exhausted: their toddler woke multiple times a night while their baby cluster-fed every two hours. They were convinced something was wrong with them.
Instead of chasing the “perfect sleeper,” we built a survival sleep plan: adjusting wake windows, leaning on consistency, and using red lights and sound machines. We even strategized around the toddler’s love for middle-of-the-night cuddles.
Were they suddenly getting eight hours? No. But they were calmer, more rested, and less resentful. That’s the win.
Why Therapy Helps Postpartum Moms and Parents in the Thick of Sleep Struggles
Here’s the part I want you to really hear: you don’t have to navigate this alone.
Sleep deprivation is not just about the baby—it’s about your mental health.
In therapy, we’ll work on:
- Coping strategies for postpartum anxiety and depression.
- Releasing guilt about doing what works (yes, even if it’s rocking to sleep).
- Boundaries around asking for and accepting help.
- Tailoring sleep and rest strategies to your family, not an internet checklist.
Help is Available –
✨ If you’re reading this at 2 a.m. while bouncing a baby on your shoulder or sitting on the floor outside your toddler’s door, please know this: you don’t have to keep white-knuckling your way through exhaustion. I’ve been there — I’ve read the books, done the late-night Googling, tried all the tricks. And as a therapist who specializes in postpartum mental health, I can tell you that your sleep struggles aren’t just about naps and bedtimes — they’re about you and your wellbeing. If you’re ready to feel more rested, less overwhelmed, and more like yourself again, I’d love to support you. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
📩 Click here to schedule or send us a message. Let’s make a plan that supports your rest, your sanity, and your mental health.
➡️ [Learn more about our therapy services for postpartum therapy here.]
With warmth (and solidarity in the bedtime battles),
Kirsti Reese, MA, LPC-S, RPT-S, PMH-C, SEP, LCDC, CCTP
EMDR Certified & EMDRIA Approved Consultant
Perinatal & Postpartum Therapist & Prenatal Yoga Teacher
Maternal Mental Health Specialist | Mom of 2 | Supporter of Cycle Breakers | Believer in Boundaries & Breakthroughs | Advocate for Brain-Based Healing | Champion of Emotionally Healthy Families
